To add on to my first comps update

Emotionally, let's be honest here, comps are a roller-coaster. It's hard not to think about the stakes for this; it's more than just an exercise - it's a prerequisite for remaining in the program, and there are no second chances. It seems, though, that anxiety is par for the course; I was actually relieved, more than terrified, when a prof in my department told me his comps horror story this afternoon. Apparently he had to go to the hospital after he was done to be re-hydrated on an IV! It was reassuring, in a bizarre way, to learn that a level-headed and competent professor, who obviously made it through very successfully, was quite likely even more anxious than I am, to the point of serious dehydration (I am still drinking water, and I doubt the inevitable paper cuts will bleed coffee). I've had a few friends tell me their stories, also with traumatic undertones - there are some pretty ghastly tales out there from intelligent people who have passed these exams. Thus, the anxiety is normal, just part of the process, move along, nothing to see here. I probably will need to be reminded of this on a constant basis as I become more exhausted and thus more self-critical.

So far, I've eaten at least three meals a day, gotten in cardio (anxiety, as some friends have reminded me, does NOT count as cardio - I'm talking running, and swimming), snuggled my exceptionally fluffy foster cat, and I slept last night, for more hours than I did in the final week of my masters thesis. The most serious incident of crying had far more to do with an onion involved in making lunch than it did with liberalism, or gender. I am probably being a bit of jerk to my peers, who are also busy as heck at this time of year; the looming 24000 words in 12 days marathon is making me self-centered. Can one be self-centered if one is aware of being self-centered? Is that a contradiction in terms? I'll leave that for another day.

I'm cycling between bursts of inspiration and the pits of intellectual despair, but it'll all come out in the wash. I think it's bedtime.