So far, I've written nearly all of one paper and sizeable chunks of two more. I have a strong outline for the fourth, and at least a sense of direction for the fifth and sixth. I am trying to remind myself of this tonight, as this whole process is hardly uplifting. It is hard to feel confident after grappling with theory for twelve hours daily (excluding time spent thinking while cuddling cats, doing dishes, swimming, and running) then being told by a professor that this way of doing comprehensive exams is "too easy." That stings. I tell myself each day that the next I will write for longer, but I cannot physically and emotionally do so. Twelve hours a day seems to be my limit, and I truly don't know how other people work for longer at a computer. I think the only thing I am capable of doing for more than twelve hours each day is, honestly, sleep. I wish this were a test just of intellect, and not resolve and pain tolerance.
Hopefully things will look up tomorrow. My goal is to get a near-final draft of my state formation paper (since the professor for that field is unconcerned about word limits, this one is likely to be about 4500-5000 words - almost twice the maximum the department sets out as he has asked me to do two essays rather than one, but I cannot answer the question in a complete and theoretically informed way in less space.). Hopefully I'll have completed that by the mid afternoon and can then draft my other paper for that field, edit them both on Sunday, and then allocate Monday to last touches but primarily to my four remaining papers. Hopefully my head will stop pounding and let me do so.
One of the texts I read (Carlson's Home is the Hunter) said that for the James Bay Cree, giving up hope is self centred as it implies a sort of omniscience. I know my exam fields like nobody's business, but I am hardly omniscient. So I will hope, and keep hoping.
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